What Matters Most To You?

Goldie (aka Nairere)

April 15, 2021 Anna Cei - The Pink Spider Web Season 1 Episode 10
What Matters Most To You?
Goldie (aka Nairere)
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers


Goldie aka Nairere is a multi-talented creative person. 
She is a dancer, choreographer, poet, actress, and entrepreneur.
In this very gripping episode she tells us about her journey and how she as Welsh woman, ended up in Sweden. 

The poem Goldie wrote and is reading in the episode is "Reminiscing"

YOUTUBE: 

https://bit.ly/YTCHANNELGOLDIETOMASSJOO

INSTAGRAM:   https://bit.ly/GoldieTomasSjoo
https://bit.ly/NairereTomasSjoo

FACEBOOK: https://bit.ly/FBNairereTomasSjoo
https://bit.ly/FBGoldieTomasSjoo


 Music during Poem 

Musician: Jason Shaw

URL: https://audionautix.com


 







Anna Cei:

Hi, welcome to what matters most to you. In each episode, I interview a guest from somewhere in the world. And I asked what it is that matters most to them. My name is Anna Cei, and this podcast is brought to you by The Pink Spider Web. Let's call someone and hear what they have to say. Hi, good evening Nairere

Nairere Goldie:

Hello, good evening, Anna.

Anna Cei:

Or should I say Goldie? Because that's the name you go by out there, right?

Nairere Goldie:

Yes. Yes.

Anna Cei:

So welcome to my show. What matters most to you? I'm so happy to have you here on the show. So where are you right now, Goldie?

Nairere Goldie:

I am in Stockholm, Sweden. I've been living here for three years. I'm actually originally from Wales.

Anna Cei:

I was gonna say you don't really sound like you have an accent. You don't sound like you have a Swedish accent there.

Nairere Goldie:

I didn't grow up in this country. I grew up in Wales. So I have English to Welsh accent that goes in and out. Like some days I sound really Welsh. And other days. I sound really English. So,

Anna Cei:

Mmm, so you came to Sweden three years ago?

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah.

Anna Cei:

But what was that all about?

Nairere Goldie:

I had been living in London for three years. And I did a stint in Cyprus performance working as a dancer. And while I was in Cyprus, I met so many young Swedish people, just Swedish people. And when I told them about my Swedish grandmother being from here, they'd all asked me, you know, have you been to Sweden? And I was like, No, no, I haven't been, haven't been. They're like, Oh, you must go. You must go to Sweden. It's beautiful, really great, like stunning nature and everything You must go. So when I came away from Cyprus, and back to London, I had this huge enthusiasm that I must go to Sweden, I go back to London, 2016, September, October time, and then christmas hits. And those days in between Christmas, and New Year, I think I know I should, I should really go to Sweden next year. But I'm thinking don't go in the winter, go in the spring. So good idea to go in the spring, because you know, it's warmer weather. And hopefully there won't be any snow. And you know, I see it getting green as those days in between Christmas and New Year, I was thinking Oh, to go there for the for the 10 days. And then the next day, I was thinking, Oh, instead of going there for 10 days, I could move there.

Anna Cei:

So before you even had been there you were thinking and contemplating moving there.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah. And the more I thought about this during the three days, then we'll write it up. But I was still like to myself, I was still like, but you must go there for 10 days. So you know, 2017 kicks in, in May, I think it was and I booked my ticket. And I go for 10 days. And I remember landing into Arlanda, and

Anna Cei:

which is the airport in Stockholm. Right?

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah. And I remember flying into Arlanda, and my my heart, you know, just went you're home. You're okay, you're home now. And I remember coming off of that slides feeling really good. Like really, really just just feeling really warm. And this is the this is where I was meant to be. This was a good place to me to be. I stayed for 10 days in Stockholm and I walked around the city many many times and I got to speak to different people.

Anna Cei:

Were you able to connect with the people you had met down in Cyprus

Nairere Goldie:

only through like nightclubs, and in cafes and bars. Like not in terms of like, you know, deep friendships or anything. It was just like socializing out and about I would meet this, you know, Swedish people.

Anna Cei:

Did you connect with them when you landed in Sweden?

Nairere Goldie:

what face to face?

Anna Cei:

Yeah, yeah.

Nairere Goldie:

No, no, I didn't connect with any of them. No, I didn't connect.

Anna Cei:

You didn't really know anybody then.

Nairere Goldie:

I didn't know anybody. You know, I had, I didn't know anybody. But I knew that there was, you know, the possible chance of me meeting my grandmother's brother, who I did meet Stefan, I met him. But I went on the fact that I felt really good. And I felt home. Like it's such a warm feeling. And I didn't have that feeling in the UK at all. I you know, I've been living in the UK for many years, you know, growing up until my 20s. And, and my early 30s. And I didn't have that feeling. I felt really cut off and disconnected from the UK. And it's the feeling that I have within myself when I'm in Stockholm, that I just feel so nourished and warm and loving. And I don't know if it's because my grandmother had lived here for many years as a child, and she spent a lot of time coming here and you didn't speak the language either, right? No, I didn't speak the language. But that's okay. I learned I learned. I learned in time. You know, I've lived in Morocco too and I lived in Cyprus, but I haven't spoken any of the language

Anna Cei:

but the Swedish people are pretty proficient in English,

Nairere Goldie:

they are they are. And like when I came to those 10 days, you know, nobody expects someone to learn Swedish in 10 days.

Anna Cei:

No, no, no,

Nairere Goldie:

I was just coming to see how I would feel about living here. You know, if I feel good within myself, then I know that everything is going to go smoothly in my life. I have moved to different places in the world, but I don't meet I don't know anyone. And I've made friends, I'm sociable. I can meet people, I can join things and take it from there meetings. After the 10 days in in Sweden, I returned back to London, and I just worked really hard for a few months had a quite a encircling few months as well, because I was homeless. So I was doing it people seeing, you know, friends, on and off. It was very unsettling for me. And then

Anna Cei:

it was nothing stable for you in London at that time.

Nairere Goldie:

No, because I had last accommodation where I was sharing with someone who was narcissistic. So when I left that place, I only had like five or six months in the country. I mean, in yen in London, right, I was looking for somewhere to live permanently, but nothing was coming together. So I was you know, staying with friends, you know, changing places. And then my last month before I left London, I found a place for one month, which was a really good place. I stayed with, you know, shared house. And then when I left that place for one month, traveled to Stockholm in August of 2017. But when I traveled, I didn't want to try directly in Stockholm. I want to you know, take a bit of an adventure. So I thought you know, I've been to Stockholm already. Why not fly into Denmark? for three or four

Anna Cei:

days? Ah, which is the country? Yes. South of Sweden.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah. Hmm. So, you know, I was I thought to myself, I don't have to get to Stockholm immediately. I can, I can have a bit of it. So I did, I flew into Denmark, I spent three days there did a bit of tour sightseeing, however, over the holiday. And then when I got there, I was like, Ah, you know, I can relax now. Yeah. And then I, I wanted to see some of the land. You know, I wanted to see some of Sweden before actually got to Stockholm. So I was able to do that on the train ride. And nice from Stockholm. So you know, I got to see four hours of beautiful train, riding around and connect to them and understand understand it and the architecture I would see on the way and it was summer as well. So it's really beautiful. It's a really beautiful day, traveling on train into Stockholm. And then when I was there, I really wanted to go to the Pride Parade. But I remember that I got into stock code. I made a case my giant fat case was just that bit too big.

Anna Cei:

Oh your suitcase.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah. So I couldn't I couldn't put it into the locker. So I was like, Okay, well you know, I'm here. I made it to stop calm. I will just I'll just sit here all day until my train leaves calm to go to my workplace for a month. So that's what I did. I just chilled out I socialized and people I chatted a day moved around the one floor floor to some charlyne

Anna Cei:

so you spent the day at the Central Station.

Nairere Goldie:

I spent the day at the Central Station. It was the day and it was busy and it was fun because you know the parade was going on in the cities events happening and people dress down. Yeah, and I had money on me I had I had everything I needed I had my connecting train ticket to lax or you know which I got on it about seven o'clock in the evening. And I get to Luxo which is about three hours from Stockholm towards Gotham Barry after Betty and I got there and my host, Lisa, she came to pick me up in the car. And I was in next door and like saw and I was there for a month. And I worked at a baker Oh, where I was this place called tibbett store, which is a beautiful used to be a village but now the grounds beautiful grounds and the nature and the countryside have been renovated, small buildings be renovated into a youth hostel buildings. And on the land, there's that youth hostel cafe, restaurant, you know, eating area building with the kitchen, there's also no sauna and like it's an amazing, amazing place. And I remember getting there and I was walking across the ground her because she knows she wants to show me the areas of the hospital. And I was like wow, like Oh, wow. Like I felt so incredibly lucky because I really didn't realize how beautiful it was, you know, you see the photos but you don't grasp it around. And I really wanted to give myself a chance to just have a bit of relaxation time right?

Anna Cei:

And what a lot of people from big cities when they come to the countryside or small towns in Sweden, they very often feel fresh air. It's clean air. Yeah,

Nairere Goldie:

yeah, exactly. I gave myself a bit of a holiday Working Holiday because you know, baking, I really love baking. I'm a morning person naturally, and I love working on my own. I really love that time now and being able to switch off being a fit myself on walks on my own go swimming on my own in the lakes. Yeah, it was a fantastic time. It sounds amazing. Yeah, it was, I never want to go back in the future, to do its job, because it's an amazing place. After being there for a month, I moved to Stockholm, you know, a bit more energized and relaxed as well. And I was looking for an Au Pair Work Opportunity. And it wasn't a great experience. I left within a week, it took a lot of guts, but I just wrote and found out my rights and left. And then I worked with another family, which was better, it was better. But unfortunately, I decided to leave them. I must say like 2017. And after 2018 was tough. I mean, I won't go into detail. But it was really, really, really tough.

Anna Cei:

Are you ever doubting or thinking like, Oh, this is really not my thing. I should go back. No,

Nairere Goldie:

I wasn't doubting I was doubting the people. You know, I'm here, there's got to be people like me, because I just kept meeting a lot of fake

Anna Cei:

the wrong people. Yeah, a lot

Nairere Goldie:

of all the top you a lot of people who had problems in their life. And they were just expressing it out to me, I was I wasn't meeting any real people. And he cut people with empathy. And I just kept saying to myself, because they have to be like, at the end of the tunnel, there has to be like at the end of Teller, you know, I am here, I feel good to you within myself, my soul is happy here. And I had dreamt of my grandmother during that time. And I just knew that she was supporting me like her energy. Her love was supporting me from the spirit world. So I knew that was light at the end of the tunnel. I knew it. I knew it. And I just had to keep going and going and going. And then my life just started to get better when I became an au pair for another family, which was on which is on the other side of the city. I lived with them for a year. That's where my life is daco really started to evolve our home.

Anna Cei:

It was like because you needed that platform is kind of a lot of hours of your day. So if that's not working?

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah, I mean, it wasn't it the work has not always for me, it's not about the work. It's about the energy of the house, and how I was being treated, right, the communication and how I felt like the vibes I was getting from the family. It wasn't healthy, really wasn't healthy. So when I moved to the other side of Stockholm, and I was living with this family who were just like, treated me like a human being.

Anna Cei:

Yeah, they

Nairere Goldie:

treated me like a human being. They're treating me like as part of the family. They didn't see me as any different as them. They were really open communicator, respect for my time, they're respecting my time that I had a fantastic time living with them. I was often involved in, you know, family activities, and because I felt respected and uncared for, and I could have I was able to offer them more support, and kindness, you know, and do extra treats for them becomes a positive feedback. Yes. And I got to be involved in some of fantastic social organizations in Stockholm where I got to meet up and perform and make connections and start networking and stock. I'm just starting to create a life.

Anna Cei:

Yeah, that's kind of what I meant with that platform. Before you venture out and meet friends, you need to have some kind of home base or platform where to venture out from Yeah,

Nairere Goldie:

I must say that summer, summer 2018 was one of the hottest summers I think in stock on on record. And also it was the best summer. One of my life. Oh, the best summer. I mean, I went to so many fantastic music concerts, I got to swim in loads of different legs. I got to travel in and around Stockholm. I got to like I got to see so many dreams come true. I got to see beautiful and witness beautiful things. I make lots of new connections and socializing and have like time off to enjoy summer. Like it was one of the best summers and also I was living in a really beautiful area of calm. So I really got to enjoy a beautiful time now.

Anna Cei:

I know a little bit of you a little bit beforehand that you are a dancer too. Yeah. What's this also then did you have a chance to start dancing and meet other people who are into that are performers.

Nairere Goldie:

When I first moved to Stockholm, um, the first year I went I took a year off from all dancing first collective Like everything, I took a year off from my body to rest, because prior to that I had been dancing every week to take your three. Oh, wow. So

Anna Cei:

you started dancing when you were three years old?

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah. Well,

Anna Cei:

if you don't mind me asking how old are you now? 36 now. So 30 years you have been dancing pretty much on a weekly basis.

Nairere Goldie:

Yes, training or in a show. Like I've been, I've been dancing. So when I got stuck on my body was tired. My soul was tired, to be honest. And I didn't get involved in anything. The only thing I would do for physical exercise was go on walks. And there's plenty of that in Stockholm, in Sweden in general. And then I got involved, you know, different organizations. And then I started to connect with some dancers. And

Anna Cei:

what kind of dance did you do when you grew up?

Nairere Goldie:

I'm a professional freestyler I love to freestyle been freestyling since I was 13. And hired trained in ballet and contemporary from the age of about 1314. And even went to University of Glasgow University, and did a dance choreography degree.

Anna Cei:

So you know, not just dancing. You also know choreography.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah. Wow. I love I love that so much. But even when I was doing contemporary ballet, I was always interested in always going to different dance classes, because I was lucky enough that my Swedish grandmother in Bristol, she lives literally around the corner from the Bristol dance center. And when I was staying with her, I would go to any class that was on mancow.

Anna Cei:

So you, you have tapped into a lot of different dance styles.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah, like I would try everything. I would try everything because I wanted to be a dancer that had insights and understanding about different cultures of dance. I really wanted to learn movement, because I'm so in love with dancing. I really wanted to know understand all different cultures dance, not just the one that I was learning and wanes, huh, yeah, I would do that. anything. Anything. I even remember turning up to a flamenco class.

Anna Cei:

Wow. Oh, I love something. Oh,

Nairere Goldie:

I was I turned up with sandals on and the teacher said you might as well take them off and just dance in your

Anna Cei:

flamenco and sandals doesn't sound quite optimal.

Nairere Goldie:

No. So he so I remember him saying just down to the bare feet that he said next time Come come in something like jazz shoes. A little bit of a heel. A shoe at least Yeah. But he loved my enthusiasm. I think I was 13 I just want to be honest. He was like, just come in. It's okay. But different shoe wear next time.

Anna Cei:

Now in Sweden. Have you tried dancing? Some Swedish traditional folk dances?

Nairere Goldie:

I haven't

Anna Cei:

not yet. Like polka shot this and stuff like that?

Nairere Goldie:

No, No, I haven't. I mean, I've seen it like they perform it at midsummer. Huh, I haven't experienced it, ya know, I'm currently like focusing on my health, which doesn't enable me to dance because I don't have the energy to right now. Other than just get better and do what I can do when I can. Because I've put off my house for such a long, long, long, long time. And I haven't had the safe accommodation, to be able to support myself to get better. And so I decided last year that this year was going to be my year and I was going to get better this year. So I've dedicated a lot of my time in life to dance but not to health. Because I need money and time and I need neck my self worth has grown considerably amount since I moved to Sweden as well to one to get better for me to

Anna Cei:

you're not dancing professionally now then that's not how you support yourself.

Nairere Goldie:

Not to the moment not to the moment no and with this COVID. And also because of my house, like you know, unfortunately, I was born with a very ill body from my biological mother. And I've put it off for far, far, far too long, because I haven't had the time and I haven't had the money and I haven't been in a safe place to live to get better until now. And now I'm in this place, which I'm extremely grateful for. I manifested it to the law of attraction, which is what I've been amazingly being able to do for many years. The law of attraction.

Anna Cei:

Yeah. Tell us a little bit about that. What is law of attraction?

Nairere Goldie:

For me? I love attraction is used like different people use different methods of law of attraction, whatever aspect some people write in books and the journal some people talk out loud, like as if they're talking to their angels. Some people do meditation, some people, they do ceremonies, and maybe like they'll do White on a piece of paper in and I'll put it up in a box. Personally, I have been doing a lot of attraction work when I didn't know it was law of attraction since I was a teenager, when I would go to bed at night, to escape my reality, I would visualize myself dancing in London, on top West and London's stages and living a really colorful life meeting lots of new people and dancing with lots of beautiful people. And just having a really colorful life and creative life and being you know, busy but resting. I started doing now to speak my reality. Because I grew up on a on a small on a farm in Wales, I didn't have a lot of friends at school, I didn't connect with anybody. I didn't have any deep friendships at school, when I was, you know, visualizing 15 years later, all this visualization, you know, comes true. law of attraction is about consistency. And it's about being grateful for the little things every day, even if you don't think it's important, being grateful of clean water, having a shower, having someone to talk to pressure, all those little things really, really helped. When I was in my late teens, early 20s, I was in a place in my life where I was a full time carer for my adoptive mom. And I was completely cut off from the outside world, I had no friends. I had no communication with anybody on the outside world. I wasn't dancing with anybody. I was alone, Cara. And those days were really dark for me until I got myself through dancing, and visualization. And I really was visualizing that I really wanted to live in a country per year. I wasn't concerned where it was. But I really wanted to live in a completely different culture factor. Yeah. And I just picked up the universe. And miraculously, it came upon my into my life. And I was in Morocco. For a year in 2009.

Anna Cei:

See, that's how law of attraction works. Right? you visualize manifests? Yeah. And yeah, even if you're not in a situation, and that's the idea behind the law of attraction that the universe then buys that for you. It comes into your life because you are asking for it openly and clearly. Yeah, that's beautiful. We have this situation with a 20. something year old in the Mid Wales. Yeah. Not really with a social life of her own. Yeah. Taking care of her adoptive mother. Yeah. And visualizing. I want to go someplace else. Yeah. And then what happened?

Nairere Goldie:

After that, you know, I went to university for three years. And after my first year of university, I went back home for the summer as many students would. And unfortunately, I left that situation homelife due to domestic violence from my adoptive mom. And it was very, very, very stressful time. very traumatic time. And I had to plan the whole escape. And I left the house at four o'clock in the morning, just the clothes on my back and a mobile Wow, I literally I had to run out of the house, really, as in like, my life depended on it. And I remember running across the farm yard field, across the road into the neighboring farm yard field. And I just remember just running around and walking around just to keep myself warm. And then a taxi women's refuge. Taxi came to pick me up at seven o'clock in the morning. He drove me into the, into the town tomorrow, then, even I remember, like he asked me, you know, do you have any money? I was like, I've got nothing. I've got mobile. I have nothing else to music, right? Look, I'll give you 10 pounds, right? He was like, get yourself some breakfast, go to the rooms or a fridge office at this time because they're expecting you. But he was like, just go to the supermarket cafe. It's open, get excited. So I did that. And then I walked around, you know, the back streets of the town. Went to the to the refuge office collapsed and the penalties went into a refuge for the remaining of the summer.

Anna Cei:

Sounds like a shelter.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah, yeah, I was there for like three weeks. And then after that, I went to stay with a friend University friends for a few weeks. And then literally, immediately I just went back to university for two years was a complete and utter emotional mess. I didn't have any family around me like my adopted mom was my family and I had to unfortunately lose hair. And prior to me starting University, two months, my adopted Swedish grandmother died. So I knew that when I was going back to university for my last two years, like I knew that I was on my own,

Anna Cei:

completely on your own no family. Yeah,

Nairere Goldie:

that's it. So went back to university for two years and university really kept me you know, focused, because I had a timetable. I had accommodation. I knew where I was to be. And I'm really passionate about dance. And I had you know, friends at university, and you know, I had a social life. The city of bath is a beautiful city to be a student and I had the opportunity to To go, you know, my grades were enough for me to go back. And, you know, I told my tutors what had happened to me over the summer. And they were like, you know, if you need any help, let us know. But I just, you know, so kept on swimming. Yeah. I just kept swimming and swimming. And I remember towards the end, you know, I was like, you know, graduation, I didn't go to the graduation party. I didn't go because it was either, you know, who was going to come to see me graduate and, and I. And I didn't want to be the only one with nobody there. Because I would just want to just be in another experience and me feeling that

Anna Cei:

arise, right?

Nairere Goldie:

I'm not going to do that to myself. Even though my my friends could have been like, oh, but you'll be with us.

Anna Cei:

What a strong woman you are going through that without having, I mean, parents sometimes nag you and like, why aren't you having better grades, you have to do everything on your own discipline, support, share yourself on, everything was within you the whole

Nairere Goldie:

time? Absolutely. Now, when I finished you name, I really wanted to give my adoptive mom a second chance, like I really wanted. So when I finished uni, I had a bit of money. So I went traveling for a bit. I went to Egypt for like a month and a half just to just chill out with some friends, some friends who are Egyptian, you know who have that. So I went to visit them for like a month and a half, they were like, oh, come and see if it's Ramadan here. We're not doing anything with tourists. And then I came back to the UK. And I was just doing you know, just cafe work. I think I was I was really lost, I was really lost. I remember in my life, then I was extremely lost. I didn't have a family, I didn't have a home, I didn't know what my future looked like. I didn't know where to go to know who to talk to. I didn't know who to ask for help. I didn't know who I was going to face the future with. I didn't know I was going to get I was really lost. And so I was just doing any kinds of jobs. And then I decided to enroll myself in a competition competition, invite my adopted mom who I hadn't seen for like two and a half years. And so she came to it. And afterwards, she just started unfortunately, like, you know, putting my putting me down with words that were not very nice. But she said some nice things, too. We went to a restaurant, we had some nice food, and then she went home and then I went back to where I'm staying. And then I went back to Wales for Christmas, to see if I could, you know,

Anna Cei:

reconcile,

Nairere Goldie:

reconcile, yes, to see if I could reconcile a relationship with her because I knew she was completely on her own. And I I really missed the good times that we would have together, you know, that moment or two good time. You know, I really wanted to see if that could be reconciled to see you know, if she had any counseling or treatment and all the physical abuse have stopped from her. But the verbal continued. And it continued to a detriment where I was like, you know, I have to leave. I'm not growing here. I'm not doing anything. I'm not. I'm not happy. I'm really unhappy. And there's, there's a, there's something I always go by, which is you know, if I'm not happy I do something about it. Hmm. Fortunately, I laugh. I remember the day I left her house, I went into refuge on the other side of London with a bit more stuff the time I mean, I left with the clothes on my back, but I left with a bag with my laptop in it and my ID papers. Because it's really important to have your ID papers with you. If you have to leave a traumatic environment. I went into refuge, I asked to be anywhere near London because I thought if I can't get a job in London, then there's four or five different airports where I can get out and come and work somewhere else in the world. So I was in this refuge for two and a half months. Now what happened to me in that refuge, I followed my gut instinct. And I also was asking very heavily for my grandmother's help her spirit. I was asking her, I got into that refuge. And then you could on your Skype, you could go into a worldwide list and put your status or Skype nice, which means anybody could just click on your name and anybody Yeah, I think a few days after being in this refuge, this young man called Mohammed mo clicked on my name, and we started chatting. And it was just a really nice, it was really nice to talk to someone from a different culture. We talked to friends. We just got on. We just got on there was no heaviness, everything was light. There was no expectations from me. He knew my situation. It was just like between us I told them what I was trying to do. Like I remember going for an Au Pair 90 position, but I didn't get it. And I was trying all different ways to get out to the women's refuge but nothing He was coming together. And I remember him saying to me, like he said, Look, I'd really, really like to meet you. He said, If I bought you a ticket to Morocco, would you come? And I said, Let me think about it overnight. And I asked my, the refugee officers, you know, if I'd been invited to go to Morocco with some friends, what do I need to get from you? And how long can I go for? I want to think about just my intuition was, you're going to be okay, I'm going to be fine. And I remember talking to my neck to my grandmother spirits from the note the end of the bed, and I was like, you know, I felt good, it felt good to go. And I remember me waking up in the morning with a really, really strong, intuitive, intuitive sense of you're going to be absolutely fine. And I was like, Okay, I'll go. Yes. And yes, I was a little bit nervous. And I was excited to 200 the rooms are huge office, a piece of paper with an address on it,

Anna Cei:

so that somebody knew where you were.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah. And this man had given me his mum and dad's dress. I told this man, what what exactly I was wearing. And I remember all day, I didn't have a lot of money on me. And all day, I remember that I had eaten just a giant flapjack bar. And I remember standing in Marrakech airport, and you know how beautiful it is. And then Hammad walks towards me as Okay, how are you? And you know, I'm in the accent. He said, Hey, how are you? And he's like, Oh, so good to see you. And he takes a big case. And he says, look, you know, we're gonna get in a taxi now, and I go to we're going to amount of cash. Literally, I get in the taxi, and I literally collapse, I collapse on his lap, I haven't been able to collapse on anyone. For years. I've never collapsed on anyone. Because I've always had to be, I feel like I've always had to be taking the strain of my own emotions, my own pain, my own hurt myself.

Anna Cei:

And also maybe to maintain control, because you needed to be aware and on top of your toes all the time. If you were in an abusive situation.

Nairere Goldie:

Always,

Anna Cei:

you probably have learned to constantly, never trust anybody always be wary of like, you know, be in charge and be in control.

Nairere Goldie:

Or what? Yes, yes. But I've relaxed a lot more thankfully, since then. Yes, yeah. I think you know, in my 20s, then, yes, absolutely. And, and, and then, you know, we get out and he said to me, Look, we're not seeing mr. cash, we're going to small sector company Malone. And because I'm on holiday now, and it's a really nice place to be. And it's my family. I'm like, okay, but what he's like, we're not going to go stay with my family was going to go and stay with a friend. And I was like, okay, within three months of being in Morocco, you know, we've fallen in love. And we've got engaged, we're getting married.

Anna Cei:

So there was a love story there.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah, beautiful. Yeah, we get married 2010 we do the wedding ceremony. So when I moved to move back to the UK, from Morocco, I lived in a small county called Devon, it was the height of the recession then, and people seem to move to London move to something smaller, where you can get, you know, a job just to establish yourself. So I was getting a cleaning job and sales assistant, and then I got a baking job.

Anna Cei:

So how come you didn't move to Morocco to

Nairere Goldie:

live with him when you were married? Because we weren't, we decided that we didn't want to live in Morocco permanently because of work. And that me not being able to live the life that I want. Like being free to wear what I want and have the opportunities and live the way live the way that I kind of life that I've always been open to living, you know, but being very free and the life you envisioned? Yeah, yeah. So myself, not in a country that time limits on what does a woman like can and can't do? Mm hmm. And how I didn't want to live in a country where I didn't feel free and we work together, getting documentation for him to move to the UK. And then he came spring 2012 he moved to the UK with me and we lived together for two years.

Anna Cei:

So he was he uprooted himself and actually because of the love for you move to where you were. I said nice goodbyes to do for someone. Yeah,

Nairere Goldie:

yeah. And he also he wanted to he wanted to as well. He didn't want to live in Morocco anymore. So he moved to the UK and then we live together for two years and then it came to an end and we split up and we divorced and I was living in this small little town and and I wasn't growing professionally and dance I wasn't growing within myself spiritually. I wasn't I just wasn't growing. There's been so many things that I have done for myself. You know, I given a lot of my time to this person and I really wanted to reach my potential and so many things and I have nothing holding me back. So I within four months Of Me separating from him, I moved to London. I thought it was either now or never. So I moved to London, not knowing a lot of people. But you know, I spoke the language into London many times. And I thought, you know, if I didn't get involved in the dance industry now then it might have come again. So I did. I moved to London and a Yeah, I was there for three years. Yeah. And I appeared in commercials, I painted in films stage performed on a London stage. Yeah, I did a lot of wonderful thing, performed dance battles. And then also did a stint in Cyprus, in Cyprus, where I was dancing in the sunshine, because I really felt that I needed a break from London because London can get very gruesome and hard and gritty. For me, it's a place where I just absorb the energy as a person. I have hyper sensitive personality. I'm a highly sensitive person. So for me like London, it was very exhausting.

Anna Cei:

Any kind of giant city like that can be quite draining.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah. So that's why I took it upon myself to go to Cyprus. You know, I was looking for work to dance one of the islands, and this organization contacted me, and they were like, well, we have, we have accommodation and on this island if you open for it. And I was like, Yeah, great. You know, it's an island, in the sunshine, and so on. So I was there for four months. And it was just such a fantastic place for me to be swimming and circuit and sun, which is what my stone really needed. Because it hadn't had sunshine, aka sunshine for like,

Anna Cei:

oh, like three years. or something. Yeah.

Nairere Goldie:

And as I said before, in fact, Crystal was where I met a lot of Swedish people.

Anna Cei:

Yeah, yeah. So this circle is back to where you met the Swedes.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah. Yeah.

Anna Cei:

So So Goldie. Now we know quite a bit about you. Yeah. And we're all curious to know, what did you pick? How do you want to answer my question? What matters most to you.

Nairere Goldie:

So what matters most to me is my dance dreams being fulfilled. Because I know that when I fulfill my dreams, the dreams I have sold in terms of like performing in different places, and gaining insight and teaching. Because my main ambition through all of these things, is to set up a youth finance company, because I want to teach young adults dance and choreography in a way that it will benefit them, their well being whether it's, you know, physically, emotionally, and I want to be able to teach young people, whether they're in you know, in wheelchairs, not to charity, everybody is welcome, wherever I teach in Stockholm, when I, you know, finally set up a youth dance company. So that matters a lot to me. And I've had to, you know, sacrifice things, you know, being with certain people going on dates, you know, my relationship, my romantic life, you know, doing other things. Definitely, I've made some sacrifices, and I've had to sacrifice relationships. But also, another thing that matters to me most is my freedom. Because when your freedom is taken away from you, which mine has been in the past, and you know, how much you how much you grow, when you witness yourself growing within yourself. And also when you when you make connections in the physical world of people. And when you experience that, there's no way that you're ever going to go back to square one again,

Anna Cei:

right? And without the freedom, you can't dance.

Nairere Goldie:

Exactly, exactly. Another thing that, you know, through all of this, that matters just as much to me as dance and freedom as my friends, my friends means so much to me, without my network of supportive friends, because I haven't I didn't I don't have family. My network of supportive friends, is my network of support is my network of encouragement is my network, you know, a relationship. It's

Anna Cei:

your family, right? Yeah, it's

Nairere Goldie:

my relationships. I wouldn't call them family. Some people are some people, not some people have made because I have I've, uh, I've also had a lot of people, you know, walking into my life, I had lots of people walking into my life in my 20s saying, oh, I'll be here for you. I'll be here, right and they would walk straight back out again. So I've always been the one to stand up in my life to be really, really there for myself. Because I've had so many workouts, right, a lot of people. For me, my fight starts with me first. Because those years between 18 and 22. When I had no one, there was zero in my life. I became my first port of call. I became my sister, I became my teacher, I became my mentor, I became my go guest I became everything that I wasn't getting from who I was living with. I became that to myself and I've grown into that more More and more and more and more and more over the years that have passed, I became my mother, Marie Mae, and I'm really good at mothering myself and taking care of myself. And I'm extremely grateful for the for the friendships that I have, especially one one, like if I lost all other friendships, but continued having a friendship, I gotta say a big shout out to a woman called Charlotte long who I met. She's an amazing, incredible woman. So I met her, I was standing in the dark, and the bus stop at university on my own waiting for the bus, she walked out of the library, and we just started talking together. We just started talking and we connected and we got on well, she was really lovely to me really kind. So we connected over dancing and food, we both love good food. And we love very similar films. She didn't stay very long University, she left, and she went back home to gain qualifications and training and so on. And I was at university for the remaining two years. And I didn't open up to her very much about what's going on in my personal life, because I was also not trusting the people. And because I had been subjected to bullying a lot growing up in Wales. And also, when I had been working in Bath, I've been subjected to people saying to me that I was an orphan, just not a lot of not very nice thing. So I had trust issues, you know, not surprisingly, but we just kept a really good, we just kept, you know, communication between us. She never expected anything more than from me, and I didn't I never expected anything from her. But you know, we have now an amazing friendship of 15 years where we've never argued she's my first relationship other than myself where I have never experienced any abuse, any like verbal, physical, like nothing. We've never argued, how precious, he never made any promises. She never walked into my life that I'm going to be here for, you know, she just walked in and just sat. And it's still beautifully sitting in my life. Yeah. And it's never run away from from whatever crazy things I might have said to her, but she had. Thankfully, she had a much smoother upbringing than mine, you know, with its bumps, of course, like every childhood, but she doesn't judge me for the things I've said to her about what had happened to me. And I'm just extremely grateful that we're friends. We make the bloomin effort. Yeah, friendship takes work to I visited her many times in England. So we also make the phones, we always continue to check in with one another. But it's like the new due date. There's new due course. But we're interested in one another's life because of how much we've been there for one another. And she's that friend that I dreamed of having since I was a child.

Anna Cei:

So that dream of having friends. And you also I want to go back to this a little bit about the first thing you said the dance dream about having a school for dance. Is that something you do then work on activities right now to start?

Nairere Goldie:

No, right now? I'm just working on my house.

Anna Cei:

Once you have regained that health and are like healthy and stable again, yeah, if that's something you want to pursue still. Do you see yourself doing that in Sweden or in England or Wales or somewhere else in

Nairere Goldie:

the world, in Sweden, in Stockholm, I will once again to my my house, and I've started training on myself and I've gained strength. Then I will I will start teaching somewhere in Stockholm and then into good time, then I will start the stones company. I've even got the name for Ah, I've had it for like 20 years.

Anna Cei:

Yes, yes. Yeah, I've

Nairere Goldie:

had the name for 20 like 20 years. I remember sitting in my, in my school classroom and writing at the bottom of a book, The name of the dance company that I would have

Anna Cei:

thought of attraction, you know, now you're even manifesting it in a podcast. Yeah, absolutely. This dream of yours is now broadcasted in the ether. Definitely out in the universe. They are manifested that Goldie Will have her dance company one day in Sweden.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah. Yeah. And it will be under my grandmother's name. Yeah, I will definitely do it here. But I have to work on my health, fitness. And then I'll start teaching and then over time, like when I have enough students in my class to know because I can teach, I can teach ballet. I can teach contemporary. I can teach African. I can teach tap, I can teach jazz. Wow.

Anna Cei:

What kind of dance Do you prefer freestyle, I love freestyle. Freestyle is what your passion is about.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah, yeah, my own choreography, my own current. And they also love contemporary.

Anna Cei:

Maybe that's because of the freedom part of it. That freestyle. Look that gives you the freedom of choreography. Yeah, debrie style you can express yourself really, maybe, yes.

Nairere Goldie:

And also like, I'm not a qualified ballet teacher. But I do know of qualified teachers and other dance teachers in other genres, which who have more experience. You know, I can bring in different tools of choreography and lighting, sound, and I know word I'd like to put word and using different props and costumes.

Anna Cei:

There's a lot that goes into the dance expression.

Nairere Goldie:

And I love it. I love doing all of it. I love doing the costume I love as a dancer, I understand what what beautiful material feels like on skin and lighting and the movements. And I love getting on that on a stage and giving the audience a feast to really be absorbed into the dances, something challenging and rewarding to work into.

Anna Cei:

So all these different styles of dancing must mean that you're also open and listening to a lot of different music. Absolutely.

Nairere Goldie:

I love everything. I remember when I was living in London, and I was in Camden, and a friend of mine had invited me to this punk rock

Anna Cei:

place Camden is known for its punks. Yeah.

Nairere Goldie:

And I went, and you know, me, I was just to know my color. I don't hold the look of it. But they were welcoming me enough for me to not feel uncomfortable being there. And it was really funky. I was like, This is great. I mean, I don't say that I like every piece of you know, rock and roll or every piece of heavy metal. But there are pieces of music genres that that I that I favor more than others. But I will always find a piece of music and every genre that I enjoy. Always know I love everything from Japanese character music to you know, African drums to South American music. I like r&b hip hop, I love classical LA,

Anna Cei:

Can you dance freestyle to all these different kinds of

Nairere Goldie:

everything? Because, yes, you know, grown up with my doctor mom, it wasn't always great, but it could have been a lot worse. And I learned a lot of fantastic skills from her. I remember when she saw me dance when I was like 1314 she said to me, like no dance to every piece of music, learn to dance to every piece of music and learn to move all of your body or different parts of your body. So I really really listened to the Blue Danube

Anna Cei:

under Shannon blauen door now

Nairere Goldie:

Schubert Yeah, so I remember going into charity shops in command in town and going in and like looking through all the classical music, like just music, and just buying cassettes, classical cassettes for like 50 P and walking around the farm, you know, with my with my Walkman on listening to this wonderful classical music that I still love now.

Anna Cei:

But when it comes to this dream, and you say that right now you are working on your health here. So do give yourself a timeframe for this or are you just open it will take as long as it needs to take,

Nairere Goldie:

I think because of my health. I'm really really patient with my body. It will take whatever it takes.

Anna Cei:

So there's no real saying like, if it's not done by the end of the year, I'm gonna go ahead and no,

Nairere Goldie:

no, because you know, my body could be healthy within two months. And then I could just start teaching online. Yeah, my body is not a machine. It's not a robot. Right? It's been there for 36 years. I don't know how long it's gonna take to get better.

Anna Cei:

There might be a miracle or it might take time we don't know or might be a bit, a little bit of both.

Nairere Goldie:

It is getting better a lot. There's things coming up in my body showing me different things that I need to work on. I put off health wrong.

Anna Cei:

I also happen to know that you have recorded a beautiful poem that we will end this episode with. Poetry is also kind of like music in that sense of dancing with words. Yeah. Is that something you do? Like right now writing poetry reflecting.

Nairere Goldie:

I was in the north of Sweden before I moved to Stockholm about two months ago, I was writing some poetry up in the north. But now I haven't written any poetry in about two or three months. I've just been working on other things and my body is well like wet as it's healing as you know, I'm feeling emotion, no different things. So I haven't been in a headspace to write anything. Nothing's come to me. Yeah.

Anna Cei:

I really, really appreciate that you are telling not just yourself but also now the world. how important that is to actually take a break and take care of yourself. Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of people just go about life and postpone and postpone it and postpone it and we find all kinds of reasons not to do it. And here you are saying Like, I have all these dreams, I want to do this dance company, I want to teach dancing to whoever wants to learn it. important for me is freedom and friends. But right now, what's most important to me is self care

Nairere Goldie:

is really, really important. And I'm really, really grateful to be in this position to look after, like,

Anna Cei:

what do you have created, that you took yourself out of a bad situation, which shows an extreme amount of discipline, drive determination, and self love.

Nairere Goldie:

But it's all been a slow process to take in 10 years, need to get to where I'm feeling now. And people are feeling really, they can be really hard on themselves, about getting healthy emotionally, physically. And it's just, you know, take a day as it comes, do what you can for yourself each day. Just do what you can that's loving and kind. People beat themselves up, right? And they expect loads of things. And it's just like, you know, drop the expectations for yourself.

Anna Cei:

Right. Be realistic. You've done quite a lot of manifestation here. Yeah. You've been telling yourself, you know how important that is with self care and manifesting that?

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah, I mean, through the day, I haven't done anything productive, and it's fine.

Anna Cei:

Yeah, I've,

Nairere Goldie:

I've done what I've needed. And until tomorrow comes, but I'm really from self worth, you know, and healing. And when I say healing, healing comes from loving yourself so much, that you have boundaries with people, your self worth goes up, your patience towards yourself goes up your pace, other people goes up your kindness, your kindness towards yourself and other people goes up. If that kindness is reciprocated, if I don't receive kind, if I don't receive kindness from another person, after I've given it, I'm not going to continue giving them kindness. If I show them kindness, if they didn't show it back. I'm like, it's cool, but I won't, I won't be horrible to them about it. I'll just leave it and if the universe brings the back into my life, great. If it doesn't, it's okay. But I don't chase friendships. I don't chase relationships. I don't because you have yourself. Yeah, I have myself and I just manifest good relationships. And I'm always investing in the good relationships that I have right now in my life.

Anna Cei:

That's beautiful.

Nairere Goldie:

And if I don't vibe with someone, I don't vibe, it's okay. Right? I could, you know, be really negative. And I could be really complaining all over Facebook about my life. But where's that going to get to me? Like, it's only going to breed more negativity in my life. And I could, you know, talk about, you know, when I had really bad dreams when I was in my 20s, and healing and nightmares, I could talk about some things that I find hard, but just posting them on social media or seeing them I don't feel like it's gonna help me know,

Anna Cei:

it deteriorating and dwelling on bad stuff usually attract just more of it, you know?

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah. I would totally be like, Okay, I'm, I'm feeling like this. How can I solve it? How can I help solve it? Right? Does it do any talking to a friend

Unknown:

about right, right?

Nairere Goldie:

And there's always an issue, right? I never dwell on it.

Anna Cei:

Right, right. Or, you know, even analyzing, like, I found myself analyzing over and over about what went wrong the past two years, like, what could I have done differently? And I thought of that as being productive. Feeling like, Okay, if I can change, like, in the past two years, what should I have done differently? And I was stuck, because I knew that in each situation, I had taken what I thought was the best choice. Yeah, right. Yeah. So no matter how much I dwell on this and said, like, okay, for the future, what should I not repeat, right? But this is, when life comes, it seldom repeats, there's always new challenges. So it's not very helpful. And it wasn't until like, I started asking myself, when in my life was I happy, like, when was a really feeling like blossoming and, you know, life was perfect. That's what I need to go back to. It doesn't matter how much I dwell on my negativity, or my negative experiences, because I cannot find the root problem. It's not necessarily me, it was depending on the context. So you know, I could have acted differently towards that person. I could have said no to this person, but it doesn't help because those people are in my past. Exactly. Right. So the only thing even if it sounds contradictory, the only thing I felt that I could do is going back to in a way the positive vibes, right? When I did that, it's like, oh, wait a minute. I still have that within me. Yeah, I just need to let that out. Yeah. And remember who I am. Remember who the fuck you are, you know, because that core is really me and these things that has happened to me. It might have been my experiences, but they were not just me. There is no answer, no matter how much I iterate, what did I do wrong? What did they do wrong? What could they have done differently? I can't change it, I can't change the past. What I can wait is my core, and what I want to pursue and when I want to dream about them what I want to do and a manifest that towards the universe and law of attraction, this is what I want to have my life, these positive feelings, the music, the the positive people, that energy that they brought into my life. That's what I wish to see now in my life. Right?

Nairere Goldie:

Exactly. I mean, when I was, you know, when I was in London, 2017, before I moved to Sweden, over five months, I had moved 11 times in five months, across different areas of London and being in speed. I think when I was in Sweden, I moved like three times. And when you move that many times in such a small, it really does something to your soul in your mind. I wasn't telling people about my situation, I was just trying to keep my head down and do whatever I could and just get myself on a plane ticket. All I could see is that flight to Sweden, and yes, I could have wallowed and cried and blah, blah. But I just had to keep focused. Yeah, and just breathe through it and just know that it wasn't gonna last. But it was really hard. It was hard. But keep

Anna Cei:

that vision constantly in your mind. This is where I'm going. This is where I want to be. This is the place I'm looking for. Yeah, this is how my body's gonna look like when it's healed. Yeah, this is my goal image right here in front of me. Yeah. Yeah,

Nairere Goldie:

exactly. Well,

Anna Cei:

thank you so much, Goldie. And as I said, I want to end this program with your beautiful reflection with a background music. I really, really think it's so lovely. And I think you have such a way of expressing yourself that touches people's hearts. And I'm sure you have touched many people's heart with your story that has been nothing easy about it. And still, you have fought through it, and you continue to fight. You have your dream, you have your dance. And I think you're you're such an extraordinary person. And I'm really honored to have you as a guest here today.

Nairere Goldie:

Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Anna Cei:

Yeah. And I hope we will see and hear more from you in the future. And I really know we will, because people like you, they are not that they're not that common in the world. And we need you. Thank you. So inspired by

Nairere Goldie:

I must say that this poem that you're playing at the end, I wrote it in while I was in Morocco. Hmm. I was, you know, missing all these things. And I was reminiscing all these, you know, small things that I had, that I was, I remember doing back in UK,

Anna Cei:

Wow, I didn't know that. It's such a timeless piece. And it's kind of real complex. In that sense.

Nairere Goldie:

You can take it anywhere.

Anna Cei:

Maybe that's why it touched my heart because, you know, I live far away from where I grew up, or I live constantly in new places or whatever. So that may be that's why it's reverberated within so much that they sense what you know, you speak to all the senses in this poem.

Nairere Goldie:

Yeah. It really can be taken to any place.

Anna Cei:

could be anywhere. Yeah, yeah. What's the name of the poem, reminiscing, reminiscing? Thank you so much, Goldie.

Nairere Goldie:

Thank you. Okay. Bye

Anna Cei:

bye.

Nairere Goldie:

Bye, thank you. I may speak potatoes with cheese and beans. Going out in summer evenings. Taking a quick train to wherever in Leeds, sweet shops and cups of tea is the axis galleries and museums, cultural suits and art suite was tasked with custard, Caicos and laverbread. Holidays and being in a park in the afternoon, and his friends faces ice cream just around the corner.

Intro
Goldie Interview starts
Goldie mentions "Law of Attraction"
Goldie gets the Question "What Matters Most to You?"
Goldie reads her poem - "Reminiscing"